You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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