I accidentally burped into my bong.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
