someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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