Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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