I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
