the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
