ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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