You just made me feel so damn special
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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