What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
