Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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