oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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