my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
last night I used snow as a chaser
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