MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
