sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
