....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
