whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
