I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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