we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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