last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i now understand why vodka
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
