Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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