do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You left your phone here
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