you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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