Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
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