Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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