Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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