you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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