I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
