hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Barsexuality is the new black.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
