i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
