I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
