Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
