Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
