My first STD was from a foam party
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm both gender and math confused
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
