i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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