in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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