yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
