I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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