i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
No...this little piggys going to the bar
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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