Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
