Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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