making cat noises will not fix the situation.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We're too hungover to prance.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
