why didn't you poke me back
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
