omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Come share oat with me in your robe
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
