i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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