why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
