if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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