I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Semen is not good for contacts.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
