the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
