Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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