So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
