Only a mothe r could love this liver
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
