I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
