I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
