Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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