So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
so much tequila, so little girl.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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