Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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