maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Who wears a wallet chain?!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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